:D

This week has been a good week :D

Monday I had a really good day with eating the right things and everything was fine until about 8pm when Mum came home with some discounted chocolate marshmallow eggs..I hate slipping up at night after having a good day! Oh well, I was immediately angry with myself afterwards.

Yesterday was much better!! I woke up late so I didn't have breakfast again...but I made myself a chicken salad wrap thing, and for snacks throughout the day, I just kept to some Weight Watchers sugar-free jelly and then for dinner made some more healthy wraps BUT I originally made two wraps for myself but only ended up eating one and gave the other away, that my friends is a breakthrough!

AND AND AND I did exercise!!! I dusted off my Winsor Pilates dvd and grabbed that funky sculpting circle and got to it. It was the 20 minute sculpting circle routine thingy and I did it twice yesterday because since I've lost weight it's becoming much easier...even though at one stage my position resembled a crumpled pair of scissors as my toning circle flew across the room.
Today I woke up so sore around my stomach from it..I guess it's doing something right? right.

Today I attempted the cardio section of the dvd, was 15 minutes in huffing and puffing and generally looking like a beetroot when Mari announces 'Great! Now you're warmed up, we're ready to start' to which my mum probably heard me yelling 'ZOMGOODNESSWHAT?!' and the tv switching off...Oh well, back to exercise tomorrow!

For lunch today I had a chicken salad sandwich, more sugar-free jelly throughout the day and tonight I had chicken with salad, and just a few fries.

Oh! and my water intake is getting better, even though it feels like I'm drinking an entire ocean, I usually find I've had only half I've what I'm meant to..but I'm getting there.

Most excellent!

Weigh in!

So this week (or should I say the past week!) I've lost 3.3 lbs. I know it doesn't seem like much, but I had a few slip ups this week and this week should be alot better since my health is starting to pick up.
Last week was a haze of sickness and loss of sleep and..Easter treats.
While I was ill, I would skip meals due to bad nausea and actually throwing up but I stuck with eating only healthy and light foods.
I'm so annoyed with myself over what I ate in the weekend though.
My old thought patterns starting coming back..

"It's Easter! Everyone else is having chocolate..why do you have to miss out?"
"Easter only comes around once a year.."

And my personal favourite;

"You can always get back on track tomorrow.."

That last one always slips me up. It always leads me to a binge that usually lasts the entire day so that it can be 'worth' the slipping up.
Oh no, there's no way I could just have a little bit and put the chocolate back down again, I need to make the rebellion worth it and make the most of it because who knows when I will eat sweet things again?

Such a silly thought but it happens to me often.
It started on Thursday, my family were going out to buy some chocolate eggs and bunnies and I persuaded them to get me an egg and bunny too.
I thought 'this will be my easter treat and that's it'.
I had my egg, but ended up giving the bunny to my brother on the Friday.
Then on Saturday the stores were open again..and I tried to justify buying another egg for myself because I missed out on the bunny! Then while I was out I thought I would buy dinner too, so off to McDonalds I went.
Then yesterday I woke up thinking of all the healthy things I could eat, when a stop at the bakery yesterday to pick up some plain rolls turned into some sort of baked-good-buying celebration lol and I came home with alot of stuff I shouldn't have.
I was instantly angry at myself after that, the lack of willpower and the bad decisions.
I was after a certain magazine last night and went to the local dairy and that made me end up buying some sweets and other things I wasn't meant to.

Blah.

Oh well, this week will be a good week, and there are some proper changes I need to make in order to succeed.

-Drink alot more water- this is so vital for everyone, especially those of us on our weight loss journies and even more so for those who are ill and need to re-hydrate.

-Plan my meals better, I'm not at the moment counting calories or ratios of protein and carb etc. I know that helps alot of people but at the moment I'm just trying to ease into the whole thing, and I also need to make sure I'm not starving between meals! I've had a bad habit in the past of only earing at lunch time and then at dinner, and sometimes in the past I've actually gone the whole day until 7pm without eating..how bad is that!

-Start off with some form of exercise.


Okey dokes. Well all in all, I'm happy that there was a loss for this week, now I'm going to focus on getting back to regular healthy patterns.

Cheers!

Retail therapy!

So after a hard week, I thought I would do a bit of shopping with Mum! I was very happy that my student allowance came through with some good back pay.

We first went op shopping and I found an awesome vintage bag that I haven't stopped using since I bought it, I wish I had a photo! *shakes fist at camera* I also bought a vintage floral scarf and was very excited to find a book that I wanted for only $2!
It was Rattle & Hum, the book about the film of U2 in the 1980's.



Next up, I went into a hair product store and purchased Joico Silk Result Sheer Gloss Shine serum (boy what a mouthful!)as I told the guy at the counter I wanted something for flyaways but also it needed to be suitable for hair that gets oily very quick-mine's terrible for that!



Then I went to the perfume counter at our local chemist, I've never had a decent perfume before so I decided to buy one and settled on DKNY Fresh Blossom, I really like this scent-fruity, floral & fresh. Though next time I intend on buying Miss Dior Cherie.



I finished up by buying a few Audrey Hepburn dvds.
Usually I collect mainly Marilyn films but I'm really loving Audrey at the moment! to quote my Mum "She's something quite special isn't she!" hehe.
Audrey's so elegant and charming, and in the few films I have her wardrobes are to die for- this time I just bought Bloodline (one of her later roles, with poor reviews-still haven't watched it!) and Paris when it sizzles.





I love how she was mainly dressed by Givenchy, and her outfits in this role were amazing.







Anywho, nervous about my first weigh in tomorrow! Sorry I haven't been too detailed in what I've eaten this week but I've been quite ill.
I've mainly made healthy choices! With a few easter slip ups..but hoping for the best!
Hope you all had a great Easter.

*Credit to glassoffashion.wordpress.com for Paris When it Sizzles stills.

hmph.

Well, I don't know what to say diet-wise.
Or should I say health-wise?

Those of you who have been reading my blog know that I'm currently suffering from a stomach ulcer, but am I?
I have this gnawing feeling (no pun intended!) that it's really my gallbladder.
When I first got ill, that was first suspected, there was no doubt in the doctor or anyones mind that it was anything else-I had bile turn up in my urine, when they poked my tummy in all the different areas and did scans, the pain was (and still is) coming from the exact location of the gallbladder- though the scan showed I have a few small stones, they said it wouldn't cause major pain/problems and I'm now awaiting an endoscopy to see whether it's an ulcer or not.
My health this week has been so bad, I just don't know how much more of this I can take! That sounds so pathetic, it's only been a few months, but I'm sick of the chronic diarrhea (containing yellow bile) the waking up in the middle of the night to be sick, no matter what I've eaten, being absent from my class..
Ugh. But it's just this week that it's mainly got to me-I usually can handle all the symptoms in the daytime but now I'm barely getting a few hours sleep every night-I'll sleep a few hours when I first get to sleep and then I wake up and have to be sick and end up on the bathroom floor a few hours before nodding off from exhaustion.
Anywho, that being said luckily I have now started my holidays.

Diet-wise, as you would imagine I haven't been eating much as right now it's hard to keep stuff down and I suffer from nausea alot, but I still make sure I'm eating.
For lunch I had a chicken sandwich and for dinner I had a chicken salad-I know I'm not eating enough at the moment but hopefully it's just temporary.
Speaking of food, I know many of us have emotional attatchments to food/eating, I know I do! but this is the first time I've felt a certain emotion towards food, and that's fear.
Over food I've felt guilt, anger, obsession, frustration, elation and comfort but now I'm feeling fear because of being sick all the time lately.
Part of me has cut down on my food and drinking because I'm afraid of throwing up, and running to the toilet constantly.
But from this moment forward I've got to start drinking enough water! It's so important.

Sorry for the moan, hopefully things will get better! And thankyou to all those following me, I really appreciate it. <3

Change.

So here are my medical/diet facts! hehe.

I need to lose about 80 pounds, and this needs to be a lifestyle change.
I don't feel like revealing how much I weigh at the moment, but I eventually will :)
I used to look at calories alot, but at the moment I'm just going to eat healthy and sensibly, because I have a tendency to get a bit obsessed over numbers and things.
I'm also (as I've mentioned in a previous post) currently suffering from a stomach ulcer which means I'm restricted in what I can eat.
My ulcer has actually got worse in the last few days, I was home alone yesterday and seriously thought about who I could ring to take me to the emergency room as I had felt pain like that the previous three times that I was put on morphine.
But that's just it, I remembered that the doctors have said to me "Unless you're vomiting blood, it's not really an emergency" so I just stayed in bed.
Today I still felt a bit off but when I went to the toilet I noticed my, erm, 'movement' was black which is usually a sign of internal bleeding so this morning I saw the doctor who did a few rather uncomfortable tests on me lol, and they have brought my gastroscopy forward which is good.
How my diet should be changes with every resource I check out, I've had doctors tell me to 'just eat sensibly' and I've had doctors tell me to not make any changes to my diet, even though I wasn't eating healthy at the time!
But I know personally that I react to some foods, for instance items with seeds in them make me very ill, so I'm going to follow the following guidelines as best I can;

· Chew your food thoroughly and eat slowly and relaxed
· Sit up while eating and after eating
· Try to eat smaller servings and spread meals throughout the day; have for example four fixed mealtimes every day

What to avoid:

· Spicy food/ spices
· NSAIDs, like ibuprofen
· Aspirin
· Snacking throughout the day (prevents acid production)
· Eating just before bedtime
· Caffeine (also decaffeinated coffee!) and carbonated drinks
· Chocolate
· Milk (promotes acid production)
· Fatty foods
· Citrus Fruits and Juices, tomato products
· Overeating and hunger
· Raw and gas producing vegetables
· Berries, figs, nuts and seeds
· Desserts

The doctor has told me that my use of a certain medication basically gave me the ulcer-it's Diclofenac for period pain and I was on it so much he was suprised I didn't 'burnt a hole in my stomach'! The trouble is I have mine right now, and because of the ulcer situation deteriorating over the last little while, I'm only allowed to take paracetamol which for me is like taking nothing at all-sadly I only feel a difference with the strong stuff.
So today my food was as follows

-I woke up with stomach pain (as usual) but remembered that breakfast is important-I definitely will get around to trying out some of your breakfast ideas but today I just had a banana.

-I had a late lunch, I need to avoid grainy breads etc, so I had half a can of Chop chop! Chicken (scroll down) with a bit of lettuce and low fat cheese in a pita bread which filled me up quite well.



Onto Chop chop! chicken, I love this stuff! I didn't know it existed until I was flicking through a magazine while on vacation, and I got very excited lol.
Chunky Tuna is still my favourite sandwich filling but this is absolutely second, you can get it flavoured with sea salt, or smoked but my favourite is with lite mayo-when I first tried it out I was a bit disappointed that half the can was one serving, but it's actually so compressed in there that it's a decent amount when you take it out.
Here's a bit more about it; www.daviesfoods.co.nz/Chop-Chop-Chicken.html

-I started feeling a bit peckish about an hour ago, so I had a few bites of a delicious grainy almond bar but after starting it I realised it could upset my ulcer, so I ate half a pear instead.

Dinner tonight is just chops, some rice and healthy pasta. Hurrah for eating well! and next Monday I will weigh in.

Creations.

Fashion post!
some of my designs from last year, that made their debut at our end of year fashion show.

First off I thought I would show this top, I created it with red taffeta and vintage ivory wedding lace.
With this garment I was inspired by French chic and wanted to create something quite feminine and fitting.
The bust was designed to look like a large bow, and the lace ruffles help to add movement and break up any stiffness.
At first, it was difficult to find a model for this garment so it could be worn in the show but I was so relieved when Mikayla wore it-it required someone who could fill out the bust area but also have a small enough waist to fit into it, and she fitted it perfectly.
Right now I'm having a bit of trouble with my images so I'll try and post more later.

Next up, this blouse was created and was inspired by Mariln Monroe-I wanted this garment to have a strong/feminine shape and I love bows so I wanted to incorporate that somewhere into the piece-and so I bagged out some bow pieces and sewed them into the plackets.
I cut and slashed the pattern for the sleeves so that they would be really full, and then I gathered them at the top and at the bottom of the sleeves into traditional cuffs.
I also did a large Peter Pan collar on the garment, but as you can see this photo was taken while the garment was still being constructed.
The printed fabric you see in the bows was designed and screenprinted by me-one of our projects was to come up with a repetitive design to do with our towns culture and so one of the first things I thought of was our local bird life.
The end design was of a Tui bird surrounded by New Zealand flowers such as Pohutakawa and Kowhai.
I ended up printing on a few fabrics-white, red and apricot.

I'll post some more things later :) All garments were designed, sewn and pattern-made by me.

Celebration.

I thought I would post today, a few before and after shots.
Let's make it clear, I still have a way to go! I need to lose about 80 pounds or so.
I know alot of my online friends would be scratching their heads over that number because my face is slim compared to the rest of me and they only see me from the neck up! But there we have it. Though it feels like a big number, I'm just going to take it a step at a time. I'll get there.
So for now these are only face shots but after losing about 17 pounds I'm quite happy and looking back at this first photo makes me realise how far I've come already.
For me I notice that my face now has a bit more definition and my skins got clearer actually!





It's only around 2 in the afternoon so not too much to report food-wise, I slept in late and spent a few hours shopping with Mum and went to a cafe-had a yummy chicken wrap though sometimes I'm a bit wary about how many calories are actually in some things with all their dressings etc! And just had a bottle of water with it.
It's so odd, I'm still getting used to drinking water and not having any fizzy because it irritates my stomach ulcer, but I'm guessing it's helping clear my skin too :)

Breakfast.

Well, why don't I just start off by saying that Lyn over at escapefromobesity.blogspot.com has created a wonderful blogroll, where all of us trying to lose weight/get healthy can visit each others blogs and support each other in our journeys- I really hope that you will follow my blog and then I can follow yours and we can help each other out, whether you're into fashion, art, weight loss or all of those three things that I'm passionate about.

So I just wanted to do a post about breakfast.
In a previous post (just scroll down) I wrote about how I'm 'allergic to the morning'.
When I wake up anytime before 9am, I suffer from nausea-it's not too bad, but it means even the thought of breakfast makes me feel very ill! From family members to complete strangers I've always been told off for not eating breakfast, but I wonder if it's alright to go without it? Or does anyone have any suggestions of really light breakfast ideas? It's a bit tough, because the majority of bloggers I see are American, where as here in New Zealand we don't have alot of products that other countries do.
I wonder if a banana every morning is enough?

Sammy Xx

Atonement.

I love Atonement, when I first watched it I enjoyed it but felt it was over-hyped.
Regardless, I bought the dvd because as silly as it sounds, I love 'beautiful' films-it's not odd for me to buy a film just because it has beautiful costumes/scenery/art direction.
Anyway, now it's one of my favourite films-it kind of reminds me in a way of one my other all time favourite movies 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' in the way that the more I view it, the more I discover.
I've just ordered the book and I can't wait to get into it.



Hopefully it'll be a great read!

My weight loss story this far.

Since some of you won't know me, well, I'm trying to lose weight.
I could type pages about my weight loss struggles, and I'm sure many others could too but I'll probably post little by little as there's so much to go over!

I've always wanted to lose weight and I've done countless diets, it's quite a typical story really. I've lost some, gained more and tried starving myself, grapefruit diets, weight watchers..you name it.
At one stage during high school I managed to lose about thirty pounds and almost get down to goal weight when I started to plateau, this got me frustrated and slowly I started going back to bad choices and the weight slowly crept back on.

Fast forward to early December last year.

I'm a fashion design student, and we were holding our end of year show to display all our work- it was exciting, and nerve wracking but we had all looked forward to it for so long.
Well, the show went extremely well and I had very fond memories about that night.
That was until I saw the photos.
It was one of those moments that many people have experienced, laying your eyes on an image that you thought you actually were going to look decent in and it turns out you really didn't look that flash.
It really affected me. "I'm that big? Really?" I *knew* I was overweight but to see it so starkly was a bit of a wake up call! Sadly, I continued to eat badly until christmas morning, where I found myself sitting on my bed depressed yet again about not finding anything to wear.
Every morning was becoming a bit of a joke, with clothes flung around the room, the empty remains of failed fittings.
So on boxing day I began to change my eating patterns and started to exercise, I even managed to keep up these good habits throughout our vacation! But then fast forward to early february where I was looking forward to seeing my best friend in Auckland, we only get to see each other about once a year as she lives in Australia and so naturally I was very excited!
I arrived in the afternoon and had a great day. I felt good and was just happy to be in her company.
The next morning I woke up at about six in the morning which is very rare for me and I felt extremely ill. I thought it was just what I usually have and this may seem very odd to some people! But sometimes when wake up in the morning I can feel extremely ill.
It may seem quite comedic to some people but it's sometimes referred to as being 'allergic to the morning' where I can have extreme nausea, diarrhea and dizziness unless I sleep in (this is also why I never eat breakfast as it makes me feel alot worse).
So anyway, when I woke up this early I thought it was that and even though I felt terrible I took comfort knowing that it would pass in a few hours.
When the clock hit 10am I thought 'Gee this is carrying on a little longer than usual..' but just tried to relax, but when it was the afternoon and I was still feeling terrible I knew something was wrong.
At first my mind started jumping to all these conclusions.
'Food poisoning probably..no wait! some sort of stomach bug..a virus!' what was odd though was a feeling of extreme pain and pressure all through my upper abdomen but sometimes it seemed to radiate from the upper right.
I went to sleep that night after spending the day on a couch and prayed that it would be gone. "Please Lord, let this thing go away so I can enjoy the little time I can spend with my best friend" The next morning I felt worse..this continued on for another few days before I thought "oh my goodness! it's got to be a gastric bug!" everything seemed to fit into place and I knew that sometimes those can last about ten days.
I was disheartened but happy with my own diagnosis (lol!)and even though I continued to feel awful me and my bestie and her family went to a few great places and had an awesome time.
I felt a bit bitter when the day came to go home and I still felt as awful as ever, but my friend and her family did such an awesome job of looking after me and doing everything they could.
I took the bus back home but it broke down on the way and I got there 3 hours later but then finally I was home! when I got off the bus my Mums face turned to shock.
"Gee you've lost a bit of weight!" that night she still looked concerned and of course I happily agreed to seeing the doctor the next day.
His first diagnosis was 'Cholecystitis' which is rather serious, where usually a gallstone is blocking a bile duct in the gallbladder and you're whole gallbladder can even start to rot inside you if you wait too long to be treated.
I had a fever and all the positive signs of this, even bile turned up in my urine test!but they did some more tests and found it wasn't that.
I was then told maybe it was a passing virus or a gastric bug like I had first thought but when it came to one night where I was so ill that I couldn't sleep, had horrendous pain and kept vomiting all night I was taken to hospital and had more scans that showed up negative and was sent home the next day without an answer.
In short, after being hospitalised twice since then I have found that I have a stomach ulcer. When I was in hospital I was put on morphine quite a bit as the pain was unbearable.
This brings me back to weight loss, since I've been ill my diet has changed quite a bit. But what I should say is it *should have* changed alot more.
Right now there are certain things I can't eat, but I've found I react alot more badly to high fat foods than to sweet things and sadly I've been eating alot of sweet things recently-knowing I won't react to them but thinking I can have my cake and eat it too.
Since this whole sick thing started I've lost about 18 pounds but recently I've started slowly gaining weight back from eating badly so NOW I'm going to nip this thing in the bud and eat healthy, and I'm going to try and make this change for life.
It's going to be difficult and I have alot of other things going on in my life at the moment, like getting behind on class work because there are alot of days I can't make it. I usually feel the most ill in the morning and so I make it to class when I can.
But anyway, here goes. Here's to good health! and congratulations to those who just read all of that. Lol.

Sammy xx

Hey there!

Hello everyone! My names Samantha (I prefer Sam or Sammy)and I'm going to be blogging about my weight loss journey, and also throwing in a bit of my art, fashion work and life in general here and there and I hope you will join me!
It's lovely to meet you all. :)

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